Sometimes you wonder why you even try? Why put yourself out there to get shot down, broken, and lost. People are so quick to tell you o get over someone who has been in your world for so many years. The bible says God didn't give us the spirit of fear, yet we fear putting ourselves out there. The worst thing that can happen when you put yourself out there is to get hurt. But it's a pain that makes it worse. Sadly the pain is devastating, is crushing. And you can mask it, you can push it aside, but then you will hear that song or read a passage, and that pain consumes you.
So how do you stop feeling that pain? How do you push aside the feelings of hurt and torture and move forward? I wish I knew. And I wish I could say that it gets easier, but in truth, it doesn't, at least not from my standpoint. What makes it worse is that you can't get a clean break. 24 years of friendship, 15 years of marriage, and 3 kids, and now you are stuck in this alternate universe where you are not important enough to make someone care enough to text or call.
But there is nothing wrong with being upset. There is nothing wrong with embracing your pain; as long as it doesn't consume you, you can use that for good. Use it to motivate yourself to make a change; use it to fill yourself up with positivity. My dad says it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I figure 21 days of trying to believe that I am worth more than what he was making me feel. I haven't made it a full 21 days yet. There are days when I still feel down and out, but in the end, I start over. In the end, I try my best to see that I am worthy of love even if he didn't see it.
Just have some faith that you are doing what is best for you, believing that even in the darkest times, even when all you want to do is break down. I have learned that it's okay to cry; it's okay to feel overwhelmed and broken. But, that doesn't make you weak it makes you human. It makes you, you. And you are a beautifully, fearfully, and amazingly created soul who deserves love even if right now you don't see it.